Double post

I am in the parking lot of my local grocery store, in the midst of walking towards the Starbucks on the corner. I am enjoying being by myself for a bit, feeling independent and unbreakable; reflecting on how great my life is at the moment. I decide to sit outside and enjoy the last day of sunshine before the rain comes into town.

Twenty minutes later, I am still sipping my venti soy chai, getting ready to head home so I can be there when Bryan gets home. My phone starts to ring and as I fumble for it in my purse, I can feel someone approaching my table. Whoever is approaching blocks the sunlight behind them and their face is shadowed. My cell phone stops ringing and the person sits down at my table. I look up from my purse, I stutter, I choke on my words. It’s Aaron.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I recover from the initial shock.

He doesn’t answer. He just stares at me and smiles.

"What are you doing here? How’d you know I would be here?" My impatience has surfaced. What the fuck does he want?

"I went to your house, and then called your mom…" He says calmly

"My mom? My house? How do you know where I live?" This clearly upsets me. I allow him to see that frustration in my eyes.

"Nevermind that," he says, "I found out from Tim that you and Bryan moved into a house together."

"From Tim? Why is he telling you about me and Bryan?" my voice is growing louder, "and so what?"

"So what?" he repeats the question, "You shouldn’t be living with him like that!"

"And why not?"

"Because you should be living with me, marrying me…" he says sternly.

"Right," I say, "I’m leaving now…" I grab my purse and struggle to my feet. He stands too and moves to block my exit.

"Give me one good reason why not" I look him in the eye and allow my anger to take control.

"I am done wasting my time on you, Aaron. You could’ve had me so many times. We could’ve been spending our lives together at this very moment, but you couldn’t do it. And it’s your own fault." I yell.

He is quiet for a few moments, his eyes searching for an answer.

"Things are different now," he mumbles.

"Oh really?" I roll my eyes and start to walk around him towards my freedom.

"Please," he pleads, "give me one more chance."

I twirl around, furious with his pleas.

"No! I am with someone now. We’ve been together for almost two years. We have a house together, two cats, we share a bed every night. Your chance has passed. You fucked it all up a long time ago!"

Why the fuck is he trying to screw everything up?

"Me? He asks, "I think you had a little responsibility for it too"

I let my mouth hang open in disbelief, shock even, that he would accuse me of fucking up our relationship.

"Hmm.." I say mockingly, "so I accused you of cheating and therefore didn’t trust you the entire time we were together? And I made out with your best friend in a childish effort to even the non-existant score?" I pause. "No, that was all you," I conclude.

"Christy…" his voice is soft now, tender.

I begin the journey to my car once again when all the things I never said consume me. I spin around and march back towards him. I get in his face.

"You know, you should’ve kept driving. You never should’ve answered your cell phone after that night."

"What night?" he asks.

"Do you remember the night we went out as "friends" after we had broken up?" I ask, "I had been four months since we last saw each other. At the close of the evening, I cried while you kissed me on the forehead and assured me it was over. Then we got in our cars and drove away. But five minutes later I called you on your cell phone and you answered. That was the beginning of our second ending." I search his eyes to see if he understands, then I continue,

"If you had been stronger, it really would’ve ended that night. But instead, it started all over again but in this sick, twisted, disrespectful other dimension. You treated me like a whore, Aaron, up until the time someone else stole me away. You pleaded with me then too. Do you remember?" His face has lost the look of determination. He has been beaten and he knows it.

"I promise it can be, it will be, different," he assures me

"I have wasted enough of my strength, my tears, my smiles and my words on you. The future can never recreate the past," I say as I begin to walk away again.

"Are you telling me you don’t love me anymore?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

I pause to formulate my words.

"Not like I did…" I say, "I could never love you like I did back then. You ruined that love a long time ago with your mistrust and disrespect."

He has no answer to that so to drive the stake through his heart I take two steps forward and then say, "Now leave me the fuck alone"