There must be something

I am sitting alone in the corner of my room, listening to the mellow harmonies of Jewel. My stomach is tied in knots, or there is some uneasiness that is manifesting itself into a stomach ache, and I can’t stop worrying. From this, I am convinced I will develop ulcers early in life, but none the less, I am reeling from the anxiety I am feeling- the anxiety I have felt all week. Trying to untangle the mess of knots my stomach is in, I start to dissect the last couple of weeks, attempting to find the origin of this uneasy feeling….I find nothing. But there must be something I am forgetting….
I make plans with Nick to get together on Saturday afternoon. I make plans with B to go out on Friday night. I phone Keri and talk about her date that took place on Tuesday night. I text Lulu on Thursday to wish her a happy st. patty’s day. I send out a card for Ashlie’s birthday on Monday. Nothing. Everything I can remember is normal, even a bit above average for me. So why this dread? There must be something I’m forgetting….
My job is fine, my boss is a little frantic, it seems, but that is expected in the troughs of tax season. I’ve been relaxed at work, reading and finishing a book a week, on average. I applied for university almost a month ago, have money saved for tuition, and plan on attending in the summer to finish my degree. I am on schedule with paying off my credit card debt, even saving a little money here and there. But I know I am a bit more restless than usual, needing a change of scenery, I say to B. I’ve been wanting to get out of the general area, just to go and be away…..but from what? My otherwise peaceful life? There must be something I am forgetting….
I am not sleeping well, I am not sleeping normally I should say. I am having dreams of death, not my death, but the deaths of my family, my friends, my loved ones, all at once. I wake up frightened, sad, off. Maybe I’ve watched one to many horror flicks, but I don’t think this is the cause of my anxieties. There must be something, there has to be something I am forgetting….