alternate realities

I have spent the last couple of weeks in an emotional teeter totter. No, it is not that time of the month, but I have noticed a significant change in the way I react to the changing weather. The darker it gets outside, the darker I get on the inside. I internalize everything and my rationale gets throw to the wind. i had almost convinced myself that B was going to leave me, that he was in love with someone else. I dreamt about it, even. So I've spent everything alone minute I can searching for the reason why I, an otherwise calm, cool and collected individual, would conjure up such a horrible alternate reality? And then, on Wednesday, I met with a friend who I hadnt spent time with since high school. She, like me, thinks of herself as very independent, very sure, very confident, yet her new boyfriend seems to be bringing out the "girl" in her. She has started to overanalyze, and worry, etc etc. I think my alternate reality came into existance because I was spending so much time fighting being a "girl". BUT I AM! And because of this revelation, I realize that I am allowed to worry and feel insecure once and awhile without excuses or reasons. And even though I hate that I am falling into that "girl" category, maybe its B that is bringing it out in me. Maybe really caring about someone and feeling completely secure around them allows you to embrace your neurotic side. hmm? maybe Im just crazy.....But I feel better now. No more heart breaking alternate realities in my future.