I am winding down; or perhaps I was already wound down by the time I got here this morning. Every morning is a little harder to get going, to crawl out from under the warmth of my blankets. But I do it. I'm making a living.

I don't actually feel like I'm working on fridays. It's fun, laid-back, casual. Because I don't have to be there, I want to be there. Strange but understandable.

I am happy. I hope everyone can feel this happy at some point in time.

Yet, I keep thinking about Stephen. He is there, in the background, of most of my dreams. But then, I wake up and smile at the man beside me, filled with more love than I could've ever hoped for. So what does it mean? Maybe I'm worried about him. After all, I always was his saving grace. Maybe I still feel responsible for his well-being like I did back then. Do you grow out of that? Perhaps its his friendship I miss. We were great friends in the beginning. And even in the end. Maybe I miss that. Or maybe, I just worry that he's not alright. Everyone deserves to have a good life. Perhaps my sub-conscious just wants some kind of sign that his life is getting better. Whatever it is, I worry.

Like a mother worries about her children.
Or so I imagine.

I've checked ticket prices to go to NY for my bday; cheaply priced right now for a weekend trip. I think I may book them today so that I have something to look forward too. Happy almost (in a month)bday to me. Happy 23.

I'm old, but younger than the March birthday's. Haha!