Breaking Boys 7 (reprise)

The Prom Date

"There was the boy who was too respectful and too afraid. He was the boy who took me to the junior prom when I was only a sophomore and whom I took to my senior prom when he was in college. He was the boy who never expressed his feelings but took me to expensive restaurants and showered me with gifts on Valentines Day. He was the boy two years older, the one who would hug me loosely goodbye; the one who I could never figure out; the one who confused me for over three years."

There were six of us. Seven at the most, who formed an exclusive unit during the 1999 graduating year. The three boys were all seniors, while all three girls, myself included, found themselves two years and two grades below, at the sophomore level.

During the beginning of the year my two best friends paired off with two of the senior boys, leaving me single, and a third wheel, for the first time in what seemed to be forever. After this pairing took place, my friends thought it best if they matched me up with the remaining senior boy in our group, The Prom Date.

This match making took much planning on their behalf, carefully and strategically getting us to spend time together during car rides, school functions, etc. Eventually there was a question proposed to The Prom Date, after which my friends let me know he was interested.

It was a slow developing relationship, if you can call it that at all. We did invest more time in getting to know one another, but there was no intense connection between us like I believed there should be. I moved forward with it though, convinced that this relationship might be what dating was truly like and all the other experiences I’d had were just impure fallacies.

We never touched. He would give me a loose hug goodbye at the end of our adventures, but never came close enough to smell my perfume or feel the warmth of my body. He never admitted any feelings to me. We simply spent time together. He would open doors for me, buy me dinner, shower me with gifts on Valentines Day and give me his coat if I got cold. Chivalry wasn’t dead, at least not with him, but I found myself needing a sign from him, a touch, a word, a glance even, just something to tell me this was going somewhere.

What I got was an invitation to the senior prom. Yet, I couldn’t tell if the invitation was to benefit the group (by having the six of us experience the prom together) or him. It was a straightforward invitation, no frills or fancy chatter, just one sentence in the form of a question.

We did go to the prom together and he blushed when he saw me. We danced together (with at least a foot between our bodies), took pictures together, laughed together and in an attempt to confirm my sign, I brushed his hand, hoping he would allow it to slide into his. There was no response, no hand holding. Just a loose hug goodbye and the night was over just as quickly as it had begun.

After the prom experience, the two couples in my group decided it might be time to look for another suitable companion for me: the seventh boy of our group. Upon finding this out, The Prom Date got angry. This was surely my sign.

The remainder of the year was spent in each other’s company. Graduation came and went but still no progression. Finally, in June of 1999, I had had enough of the guessing game we were playing. I found a boy who didn’t play games and had absolutely no issues with telling me how he felt. I thought I would leave The Prom Date behind me.

After my year long relationship with The First Boy, The Prom Date and I resumed our friendship, with no intention of unearthing any left over feelings. We became friends, more so than we were in the previous years, keeping the time we spent together brief but meaningful. And because I didn’t want to spend my senior prom with a boy from my own class, I asked him to be my Prom Date.

My senior prom wasn’t romantic, but there was chivalry, consideration and sincerity. Not a dancer by nature, The Prom Date would run to dance with me when he heard a slow song come on, but make himself scarce as I danced alone to faster paced beats. It wasn’t a fairy tale ending to my four years in high school, but it was all that he could give me.

Nothing came of it. We remained chummy up until he showed up at my graduation party and noticed a particular boy, The Best Friend, following me around like a puppy dog. The Prom Date left without so much as a goodbye.

And the saga continued, even during my relationship with The Best Friend. The Prom Date and I would go to dinner before church group, he would come watch me sing at the coffee house, he would drive me home after. He spent time supporting me, being interested in my passions, making time for me, and I never allowed myself to see it. I had made my conclusion about him and closed the book on ever becoming anything more than friends. And all this time, he had been showing me how he felt not through his words, but through his actions; the chivalry, the consideration, the sincerity, the support- it was all there, right in front of my blue eyes.

The end came to our friendship when The Best Friend showed up at the coffee house one evening to show his support.

Maybe Travis couldn’t see it either, that I was in a relationship with someone. Maybe he felt used or betrayed due to the lack of times I mentioned my boyfriend. Maybe he had blocked those conversations out, chose not to hear them. I had never known what he was feeling and this time was no different.

Whatever he was feeling, he made it abundantly clear the day after the coffee house incident. He never returned my calls, my emails, my text messages. He never explained, yelled, or asked me to leave him alone. There was just silence. And sometimes that can be the most deafening noise you’ll ever hear.