It was ignorant to think that this year might have been different from the rest; that this birthday would be flawless and all that I hoped it would be. Shame on me, I should know better…
I had all the events planned. My birthday would kick off on April 14th by attending a club opening. Then, on the 16th, I would get my hair done in the morning and have my party at Steve’s at night. Sunday would be family birthday and Monday would be my time with individual friends and B. I was excited, for once; I was truly excited about my birthday. Then it began to unravel…
Steve apparently forgot that the 16th was the night of my party and bought tickets for some concert in the city. He and Ashley and nick are all going, so that would be minus three even if I decided to have my party at my tiny apartment. I don’t feel that I can be too upset with this development seeing as Steve was kind enough to allow me the use of his house, but I did ask him three times to confirm the date, and he did, each time. He assured me, on April 2 that the 16th would be fine. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yes, I am sure,” he replied. And then, a mere week later, he has forgotten. And that makes me feel forgotten.
Then, my brother can’t attend my family party on the 17th, so “can we move it to Wednesday? And just so you know, if B is there, then Jamie won’t be coming.” This is a perfect illustration of the division in my family and exactly what I want to be reminded of for my birthday. I don’t want to change my party date. I want everyone there, even if they don’t get along. It’s not about them and their petty squabbles on this day. It’s about me and their mutual love for me. You would think that this could be neutral ground, but its not. It never will be either. So what do I do? Who do I choose?
I don’t even feel like having a birthday this year anymore. I feel like running away for the weekend and returning when it’s over. I don’t even want presents. All this has sucked the fun out of my birthday. And here I was hoping that this birthday would replace the disaster that was last years. So far, though, it’s not looking good.
I cry over my birthday every year. I didn’t want to cry this year, but the tears came this morning. Screw my birthday. I’ll just stay 21 forever.
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1 comment:
Do just that; run away for the weekend. Take B, some money and hit the road. Stay at a nice little motel and make a beautiful time out of it. It is really rough that things aren't working out for your special day, but don't let it completely ruin it. Forget all those expectations and enjoy yourself in another way; pick yourself up and make an awesome time out of it with someone that you love. And Happy Birthday :)
ayla
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